This year has definitely been one for the books but, in truth, women have been sweeping self-care under the rug for years. This year has actually been a blessing in disguise for me, in that I realized how much I have been neglecting what I need to stay sane, and I have been able to start implementing little things to help myself get and stay healthy. We live in an era of everything being provided to us immediately, and we have expectations that things we need and want will be delivered, provided to us, etc. in a very small time window. That same expectation falls to us ladies in individual ways: the laundry needs to be folded immediately so the house can be clean, you must reply to your client immediately or they will switch to a different service, you should be providing healthy snacks for your kids and family who were starving 5 minutes ago, and then remember to check your calendar because you know you forgot something that you have to do later today. It’s an unrealistic amount of demands, and I have seen this realization not only in myself, but also in many of my patients.

Some things I love for quick self-care breaks:

So why is this not your mama’s self-care? Because your mom was (most likely) not in demand around the clock (although I am not saying she did not face challenges or stress that also pushed her limits)! Yes, motherhood is a 24 hours a day, seven days a week job. But your mom most likely didn’t also have to contend with the negatives that come with 24 hours of accessibility (some of which also work insanely well to our benefit), including insomnia from the harsh light coming from our devices, the frustration of dealing with a plugged-in-all-the-time spouse (yep, I said it and I will flush that phone one of these days), and expectations to gracefully handle homeschooling when it was never in the plan (just high-five yourself right now if you’re managing that, you go-getter!). And I have had so many patients tell me that with working at home becoming their new norm, the barriers of waiting to communicate for the next business day regarding work are gone, because there is no next face-to-face meeting. But this level of accessibility and stress will wear you down. We are not meant to function at mach 60 all the time, and our systems aren’t designed for that. They will, at some point, break down at that level of demand unless you find ways for self-care and are able to set realistic boundaries and expectations for yourself. And despite the change in time, your mom did have to do that!

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So, how do you start this so-called self-care stuff? Implementing something that will actually help you relax, versus trying to fit one more thing into your day, is the best place to start. The very first thing I teach 99% of my patients is diaphragmatic breathing. It stimulates the vagus nerve, nicknamed the ‘feed and breed’ nerve because of its central role in both of these activities (neither of those tasks are very successful in high stress because your system is more switch to fight or flight mode). I tell patients to do this breathing while they are lying in bed just before sleep. If they accidentally fall asleep doing the exercise, they were doing it right and hopefully sleep better that night! I have attached a video below on how I teach this, because it can be somewhat challenging to figure out, especially if your stress level is really ramped up.

Secondly, there is so much research supporting the benefits of sleep that I’m not even going to bother linking any here. Sleep is insanely good for you, so get the number of hours your body needs on the regular. I will admit that this is a challenge for me, personally. My kids are now consistently sleeping through the night (oh so thankful!), but my work day starts at 7 AM two days of the week, and I have a bit of a commute to get there. There is no way I can get 8 hours of sleep after finally getting my kids to bed, and then undoing some of the disaster that was dinner, etc. But I have made sleep a priority in that, if I feel like I need a nap on one of the days I have off, I take it and I don’t feel guilty about it. My physical and mental health thank me, and I can tell a huge difference in myself when I get enough sleep versus not. So get what you need in the sleep department as well!

And then there are the extra things to fit in. I love trying different face and foot masks, painting my toes, and reading a good book (or my newest thing: audio books are so amazing for de-stressing during a commute). These are all things that have minimal cost, so that I never have to second guess if I should splurge. What I am ‘splurging’ on right now, though, is acupuncture. It is covered by my insurance, although my co-pay is kinda heafty. But it provides immediate stress relief, and is frankly the only place I have gotten ‘alone time’ since having kids, so I will happily pay. My acupuncturist always give me ‘a little needle for sleep,’ and I love it! It’s not super comfortable to have the needles placed, but I am so relaxed when I leave AND I got a 30 minute nap (don't judge me until you have kids that refuse to sleep through the night until after age 1;)), so I highly recommend it if you haven’t tried it!

Here are some of the things I use for my own self-care, check them out and brainstorm what could work for you, too!! A rested, less stressed you is a healthy you, so go get some of that self-care today! Maybe you can share your self-care ideas with your mom, too. She did, after all, put up with the stress of raising you!

Tell me what you use for self-care! How do you fit in the time, and what is most effective for you?

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